A trip to the ASUN
By: Michael Fasano

I recently attended an ASUN budget hearing in an attempt to get some money for chess club.  I finally had a chance to really witness how the ASUN works.

Over the past few years, I’ve listened to the countless rants by John and Barry regarding the wastefulness of the ASUN.  They’ve claimed everything from “pointless spending” to “unqualified leaders” to “a bunch of bitches.”  I always knew that the ASUN was relatively inefficient, but I always held a little nugget of skepticism in the back of my head.

“They can’t be THAT bad,” I would mutter to myself.

The ‘Abolish the ASUN’ festival should have been enough for me, but still I had my doubts.  We had just gotten over 3000 dollars of their money to hold a festival calling for their demise, and they approved it, and still I wasn’t a true believer.

“Well of course we got the money!  John, Barry, and Travis know every little loophole and every little trick for getting money, plus they have so many connections, it’s no wonder they got funding!  I’m sure that the ASUN puts plenty of thought into the requests for funding that they receive.  They don’t just give out money randomly!”


The senators or counselors or whatever the hell they call themselves had only one real criterion for handing out our money: did you jump through the hoops?  Did you fill out the paperwork?  Do you have receipts?  Yeah?  HERE’S YOUR MONEY!

I watched as club after club requested money…

“We need 600 dollars to send some people to Hollywood for a dance contest.”

“We need 200 dollars for a barbeque that only our club members can attend.”

“We need 250 dollars for shirts.”

They ASUN elected officials would all look at each other and you could FEEL their emotion just by looking at them: pure apathy.  It was like they all telepathically shrugged at each other.  They couldn’t have cared less if they tried.  You want 600 dollars?  Why not!

Then came the next club…  Something about preserving Native American culture or something, I wasn’t really paying attention.  They made their budget request and just when I was expecting the usual approval, something happened…

“We’re going to have to deny your request for funding.”

WHAT?  Suddenly my attention was grabbed, my adrenaline was pumping, and my Iphone game of chess was put on hold.  Was this event not worthy of ASUN money?  Could they possibly be putting some thought into who they give money too?

“Looks like you don’t have a constitution uploaded to orgsync.  We can’t give you money.”

I pulled the stupidest face of my life.  They had to be joking… A club constitution?  THAT was all they cared about?  In the course of an hour, they had given out thousands of dollars with no regard what-so-ever for how they spent it, and then they denied one because THEY HAD NO CONSTITUTION?

The take home message of this little story is simple: if you don’t believe that the ASUN is wasteful, go see for yourself.  Spend an hour at a budget meeting and you’ll come sprinting to sign the petition.

If the ASUN spends money like this, how does the federal government spend money?

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